Week 2 – Forgiving ourselves

It was Christmas Eve.  I was five years old and my Dad’s large side of the family were all at our house.  The smell of hot apple cider and the chaotic chatter of merriment filled the air.  I loved everything about Christmas and was especially thrilled because my favorite uncle – Uncle Wayne was there.  Uncle Wayne was special. He was mentally challenged, but could pick out any song on the piano or accordion and play it by ear.  He was kind and happy, constantly cracking everyone up.  Because of the unique way his brain worked, Uncle Wayne had an all-consuming fascination with patterns and numbers, and tracking weather temperatures was one of his favorite things to do.  He had just opened his favorite present that everyone knew he’d love – a fancy thermostat that he could look at outside his kitchen window and know the temps anytime (this was before iPhones took the information gathering fun out of everything).

I remember that Christmas, just after he’d received his new thermostat.  I was sitting on his lap fiddling with his new contraption when, ooops!  I must have twisted something the wrong way and his fancy thermostat broke.  This new gift he had literally just received was now rendered worthless by a five year old.

Boy did I feel awful. I could see the disappointment in his face and my heart felt like a million pounds of awful. I immediately burst into tears as I was scolded by the other adults in the room. But not Uncle Wayne.  Despite being a little crushed, I have no recollection of him blaming me.  Still, I cried and ran off and hid somewhere – so ashamed of my mistake. I thought, for years, that Uncle Wayne probably didn’t like me anymore.  I imagined that every time he looked at me, he remembered how I had ruined his favorite gift.  I assumed he probably didn’t want to see me again and so I kept my distance.

This is so much like us in relationship to our Heavenly Father, isn’t it?  We make mistakes – we sin against God and, somewhere deep down, assume we have irreconcilably broken our relationship with him.  We assume that God must be angry with us, that he has cast us aside and no longer wants to give us his good gifts and blessings anymore.

In other words, we take our human thoughts, emotions and assumptions and superimpose them onto the Great I Am, the Alpha and Omega, the Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace.  Sounds pretty of silly when you think of it like that, doesn’t it?

But this is exactly what our scripture is referring to – how we tend to take our insecure human thoughts and ways and assume that this is what God must be thinking.

Isaiah 55:8-9. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

The truth is, God doesn’t think like us. He doesn’t hold onto grudges, he doesn’t un-friend us, he doesn’t change his mind about the fact that we are his children and he loves us. God is infinitely more merciful, gracious and forgiving than we could ever be.  When we come to him seeking forgiveness, he doesn’t say “Hm. I’ll think about it… you really don’t deserve it.”  No, that’s us who react like that toward each other. God, on the other hand, opens his arms wide and says, without hesitation – Yes!  A thousand times, yes! You are forgiven!

Psalm 103:12 
as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

And God doesn’t just forgive us once –  maybe twice if we’re lucky. He forgives us as many times as it takes.

Isn’t that beautiful!?  So when we are forgiven, but habitually ruminate on the sin we were already forgiven for, unable to let them go, you know what God’s response is? 

“What sin?” 

See, he’s not holding on to our sins, he is not counting them against us.  He has forgiven and forgotten.

Lamentations 3:22-23
22 
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]
    his mercies never come to an end;
23 
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Unlike our stubborn and wounded human hearts that we use to protect ourselves and erect walls against any potential threat, God isn’t afraid of being hurt, or being double crossed. He doesn’t hold back his love and forgiveness out of self-protection or fear like we do.  The Bible said that he lavishes his love on us (1 John 3:1).  He wants to shower us with his grace every chance he gets. He is just dying to bless us, to see his people living joyful and fruitful lives. 

And the result?  Just a couple verses later, look at what God promises will happen when we follow him and repent of our sinful ways.

Isaiah 55:12 
You will go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
    will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
    will clap their hands.

This is just another excellent example of how God’s ways are not our ways.  Think about it, if we were trying to convince someone to change and stop sinning against us, our only compensation would probably be “… and if you do, I won’t hate you anymore. I might even decide not to punish you.”  

God is so much more evolved, though isn’t he?  He is not a petty, broken human.  God’s reaction to our repentance is joy and blessing.  Sure, we may have to experience the consequences of our actions, but God is with us all the way, holding our hand and extending his grace with every step.

Our scripture reminds us that we need to resist the urge to assume God reacts to our mistakes in the same way we react to our mistakes and sins or the sins of others. We need to remember that God is greater and more merciful and kind that we can fathom. Our sins and brokenness never have to separate us from the love of God.  All we have to do is come, seek the Lord and accept his forgiveness.