Wendy Jans

I hate to be an old curmudgeon, but I think cell phones are seriously overrated.  Here’s why:

1.  You can’t multitask well with a cell phone
Remember the days when you could hold a phone in the crook of your shoulder and still talk?  You could bake a cake, hold a baby, wash the dishes (I’m sounding like June Cleaver all the sudden)…  When I try to do that with a cell phone, it ends up in the cake batter.

2. Hands free devices make you look insane
If you read the last reason and thought “why not just use a handy hands-free device, Wendy?”  here’s why:  I know I’m not the only one who’s seen the guy talking to himself as he power walks through the airport, and wondered which one of the voices in his head he’s addressing.  Sometimes I even attempt to respond.  Then I realize he’s got a Blue Tooth and he’s staring at me like I’m the insane one.  See?  They’re not good for anybody.

3. Bad reception used to mean running out of butter mints and mixed nuts
I still don’t understand how it is that we can put a man on the moon, yet I can’t make one call that doesn’t get dropped.  Granted, I live in a stone house, which blocks all outside activity like a fortified bunker, but still. It’s maddening. MADDENING.

4. Cell phones have made us socially idiotic
Have you ever met a friend for lunch only for their cell phone to ring before the food comes…. and as you pay your bill, your friend is  still talking on his phone?  That’s really annoying.  And really rude. And also not hypothetical. Cell phones have become the tool people use to feel important.  Everybody’s so busy taking important phone calls or transcribing life-saving text messages that they’ve forgotten that life is actually happening right in front of them.

5. They create a false sense of security
This one time I was driving through Alabama and got detoured.  The guy who put up the first detour sign apparently forgot to put up the remaining signs telling me where to go once they led me into some National forest.  Seeing that my internal compass goes berserk when I feel the slightest amount of stress, I started to freak out, imagining myself lost in this forest, hunted by rabid jackrabbits and eating branches for sustanance.  Then I remembered that I had a cell phone.  Moments like this were the exact reason you get a cell phone – right?
Oh wait…. no reception.  Of course.

6. Texting and driving – need I say more?
I was driving on the interstate recently and I saw a girl tailgating a semi. I’m talking, her front bumper was pretty much making out with back bumper of this massive 10 ton beast.  I felt like I was watching a collision in progress. When I passed her, it become apparent why she was driving so erratically – she was texting.

Twenty-eight percent of traffic accidents occur when people talk on cellphones or send text messages while driving, according to a study released Tuesday by the National Safety Council.